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Consumerism is in a category, along with cheese and porno, where the best of it is remarkably similar to the worst of it. Case in point: the extremely successful consumer haven known as the Dollar Tree.
WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE
The first thing you notice when you walk in is how everything is “arranged.”
When it comes to tidiness, at one end of spectrum is clean, then neat, then well-kept. Far down on the list is where the Dollar Tree is at: This shit only costs a dollar anyways. Fuck it.
In addition to the unique Feng Shui, better living through chemistry is for sale on the shelves.
Ah, American ingenuity. Airplanes, transistors, and cheese that you can spray on a cracker and eat 100 years later. Well, these products aren’t exactly “cheese.” One is “cheese sauce” and the other is “cheese zip.” What the fuck is “cheese zip?” It sounds like the medical condition my uncle got when he ate nachos in Mexico.
More American ingenuity, this time in the form of marketing. A roll? Not exactly. Swiss? Definitely not. But fuck it, let’s just slap “Swiss Rolls” on the side of a cheap ass type II diabetes causing product and watch it fly off the shelves.
But it’s not just food products for sale at the Dollar Tree.
Camouflage gloves and bath sponges. If you need gear for washing yourself while getting shot at in the woods, you’ve come to the right place.
“God Keeps His Promises.” The devout manufacturers of these one dollar handbags evidently have a close relationship with The Man Upstairs. Something tells me they didn’t send their employees the memo.
“Dear Slave Laborers,
Thank you in advance for your hard work. By the way, God Keeps His Promises. For your sake, we recommend that you pray for a new profession.
Sincerely,
One Dollar God Gear inc.”
Very few of the customers pause to enjoy the ambiance.
Most of them do this. “Only one dollar? Amazing! If I look hard enough, I’ll find something I actually want among all this cheap crap.”
ONE DOLLAR OF JOY TO THE WORLD
Eventually, we did find something we wanted. Actually, a few things. At check out, I even spent an extra buck to buy a one dollar toy that will be donated to a military kid. It’s something special that the Dollar Tree is doing during the Holiday Season. Sorry dude.
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