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Default radio station for people who are offended by the F-word: KOIT.
(KOIT is a bay area radio station that plays “lite rock, less talk.” I’m sure they have a similar radio station, well, everywhere. Except maybe in the pits of hell. They probably have KOIT in the mountains of hell, though.)
Ah yes, KOIT. It’s like listening to singing off-white paint. KOIT specializes in artists like Michael Bolton and Celine Dion, but they play a variety of “lite” selections.
Default listening volume for said people listening to said station: barely audible.
Some of you think that I’m making this up or exaggerating. I am not.
(I should write something here to better tie in what I wrote above with what I wrote below. It would make what I wrote below seem less emo. Oh well, too bad I’m not going to.)
As many of you know, I have a step-dad. He’s not the most passionate guy in the world when it comes to just about anything other than eating vanilla ice cream. Oh, and he fits into said category.
Approximately five times in my life my he gave me a ride to school.
During the rides, KOIT was on at a barely audible level. Blinkers: unused. Driving speed: too slow. And when I say too slow, I mean way too fucking slow.
I would make it to school safe and sound eventually though, after he had investigated the contents of everyone’s front yard along the way.
All day at school I would hum half of the tune to Jefferson Starship’s “Sarah” or the Bee Gees “How Deep is Your Love.” I would hum and not sing because I hadn’t been given the opportunity to hear the actual words. I would only hum half of the tune because I didn’t hear the parts of the song where my step-dad actually drove above 5 MPH.
5 responses so far ↓
1 Allen // May 7, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Listen longer at work knowing that we will not yell, “fuck” at random moments…KOIT. Maybe you can take over the station and change the attitude: KOITus. The fucking station for fucking!
2 Ian Bowman // May 7, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Allen,
This has got to be the funniest comment in the history of ifitfeelsgooddoit.com. I’m glad you actually use your name now. Those anonymous comments didn’t follow the same quality standards.
3 thebaglady // May 8, 2008 at 5:17 pm
HAHAHAHA KOITus. Nice one. I listened to KOIT when they had this contest where you can call in and win $1000. I only got through twice on the phone and each time they said a number like 16 or 15 and hung up. SO RUDE.
4 Ian Bowman // May 8, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Yeah, that’s the S.O.P. for a radio contest. The same thing happened to me. I guess when they have to answer the phone 96.5 times, they don’t feel like saying “I’m sorry Miss. You are not caller 96. In fact you are caller 15 or wait… 16. Please have a nice day. By the way, where are you calling from? Please call again.” every single time for some reason. Those selfish rude assholes.
Allen probably knows all about that since he used to work at a radio station.
5 Allen // May 9, 2008 at 1:01 am
Standard Operating Procedure is that you have to go through a ton of callers to get to the winners. 96.5 times is not too much. I worked at a commercial radio station that was at 107.9. Give me a break. I’ve seen callers get less than a number said to them.
The thing to remember for the dj, is that not everyone calling even knows that a contest is occurring.
They need to get the correctly numbered caller due to contest related laws, from what I know. Generally at a major commercial station, the person handling the calls can whip through that many very quickly.
There are also people referred to in the biz as “prize hogs.” These are people who extremely regularly call in to win the prizes. Usually stations will implement rules to prevent any specific person from winning too often, as it ruins other people’s chances. There are people who seem to do nothing but spend time working to win radio prizes. And there are people who listen all the time and know lots about people who work at the station from all the casual comments that they make on the air over the years. It’s an interesting world.
If you are not the 96th caller, I’d wonder what you expect anyway. If they give you a nice long greeting and explanation of what happened, there may not be 96 callers by the time they get through them. They don’t exactly have 96 phone lines. Does what you hear sound rude? Yes. Should you expect more? That’s up to you. I wouldn’t expect anything, nor would I expect to win.
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