RSS
Default vehicle for the liberal elite: Toyota Prius.
Default thing requiring self-sacrifice that a member of the liberal elite does to help the world: absolutely nothing.
Default manifestation of doing absolutely nothing performed by a member of the liberal elite: Placing a “No Blood For Oil” bumper sticker on a Toyota Prius. Close runner up: Placing an “ENDLESSthis WAR” bumper sticker on a Toyota Prius.
A bumper sticker is someone else’s idea printed on a cheap piece of sticky plastic. Bumper stickers are the lowest form of self-expression.
I’ve been to parties where one guy tells jokes, and is original. Then a bunch of other guys will walk around and recap what the original guy said. “Oh my God, Bert just said…” It’s like these guys think merely summarizing someone else’s material is going to get them laid.
Well it won’t, and those guys are lame.
A bumper sticker is a way to be like those lame guys every time you drive down the street.
We’ve all heard the saying, “The pen is mightier than the sword.” Whoever said that wasn’t talking about bumper stickers.
One of my least favorite bumper stickers of all time is the one that says “Don’t tailgate me… I’ll flick a bugger on your windshield.” I always see that on cars that are moving way to slow in the fast lane.
First of all, get the fuck out of my way. This is called “the fast lane,” not “slowly display a lame joke lane.” Second of all, your bumper sticker isn’t going to stop me from tailgating you. It’s just going to provide me with entertainment when I do so. In fact, I sped up just so I could read it.
If you really don’t want me to tailgate you, I recommend you tape a sword to your bumper. Whoever said, “The pen is mightier than the sword,” wasn’t talking about bumper stickers. Stick a sword to your bumper, then slam on the brakes when I’m behind you. I guarantee I won’t tailgate you ever again.
What was the point of this post? Oh yeah, the liberal elite and the “No Blood For Oil” bumper sticker.
What does that mean, “No Blood For Oil?” How much blood is spilled for oil? Last time I went to the gas station, after I filled her up I don’t remember popping a cap in anyone’s ass. I didn’t shank any clerks either.
Apparently though, blood is spilled for oil. But doesn’t a Toyota Prius use oil? Even making a “No Blood For Oil” bumper sticker uses oil.
Maybe a Toyota Prius uses say, half as much oil, but it still uses oil. It’s like buying half a cow and taping a “No Meat For Food,” sticker on it.
There are two Toyota Priuses in the parking garage of my complex. They both have stuck on them a “No Blood For Oil” bumper sticker as well as a diamond carpool lane sticker.
The real reason the owners got them was so they could conveniently drive 30 miles to work in the carpool lane without actually having to carpool.
The liberal elite want credit for saving the world, but they don’t want to actually do anything. Well, they want to do something, as long as that something does not prevent them from getting to work on time, using oil, and being exactly like everyone else who is not doing anything.
4 responses so far ↓
1 Mr. Leon // May 30, 2008 at 1:01 pm
worse than bumper stickers are those bumper magnet ribbons.
“Support Our Troops”
what it is really saying:
magnet == not that committed… empty gesture… “I don’t want to ruin my paint job”
regarding your second observation. Any one who doesn’t carpool, but drives a hybrid with one of those carpool stickers is a schmuck.
2 Allen // May 30, 2008 at 5:14 pm
I agree in the extreme with what you stated.
Given that, “Puns are the lowest form of humor.” and “Bumper stickers are the lowest form of self-expression.”, I think you might actually spill some blood when you see bumper stickers with puns on them.
I’d like to at this time advocate the use of one of my favorite bumper stickers of all time, which would likely get a person a lot of attention at this point in time. The bumper sticker says, “Car Bomb.” It’s from Negativland, and I think it should have an exemption from being the lowest form of self-expression.
3 alden // May 30, 2008 at 8:04 pm
i also don’t like the “Proud parent of a XXXX Middle School 6th Grade Honor Roll Student.” it’s like when a parent clings onto the one good thing their kid did before resorting to a life of crime…. “But but but… they were in honor roll in 6th grade!”
4 Ian Bowman // May 31, 2008 at 12:12 am
Leon,
Haha, yeah. At the bottom of the magnet it should say “(Soon to be replaced by something that looks better on my Hummer.)”
Allen,
Oh no! Not Negativland again! I normally only have to hear about them when someone mentions U2.
Alden,
Don’t talk about my mom that way! (Just kidding, my mom never received one of those bumper stickers. She didn’t have to worry about looking like she was in denial later.)
Leave a Comment