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People sometimes think I’m a Raiders fan. Wrong. It’s an obsession.
I got my 2008 season ticket package yesterday. It was a package, literally. Like, it came in a box.
Inside was all kinds of shit.
My favorite thing besides the tickets was the FAN CODE OF CONDUCT, with a huge list of prohibited actions.
Clearly the NFL produced this FAN CODE OF CONDUCT and sent a customized version to every team. Clearly whoever came up with this list has never been to a Raiders game.
They should have more completely customized the list for the Raiders. Instead of THE FOLLOWING ACTIONS ARE PROHIBITED, it should say DO THE FOLLOWING AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WHEN THE OAKLAND POLICE ARE NOT STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
Even the major offenses I see regularly at Raiders games. Some of the minor offenses are so widespread I don’t even know how anyone could stop them from happening.
Case in point, the sixth prohibited item: “Use of foul, abusive, or obscene language or gestures.”
The first time I went to a Raiders season opener I went with Axe. The game was against the Kansas City Chiefs. As we walked to our seats just before the game, people were standing up, flipping off the field and yelling “FUCK K.C.! FUCK K.C.! FUCK K.C.!” And when I say people, I mean everyone I could see. Men, women and children.
What did the police do about it? Absolutely nothing. What could they do about it? Basically nothing. They weren’t going to shut down the game and kick 65,000 people out of the stadium. 65,000 Raider fans is a group of individuals greater in number and more violent than the military personnel in some countries (e.g. Canada).
This years season opener is on September 8th. It can not arrive soon enough.
6 responses so far ↓
1 lou // Jul 23, 2008 at 4:47 pm
for a couple minutes i though “Prohibited” meant “allowed” but i guess in the context of Raiders games it pretty much does. (i guess because i do not know first hand, i just deduct from your blog and other stories you’ve told)
2 Allen // Jul 23, 2008 at 5:08 pm
As I read, I was wondering how this list of rules could possibly be your favorite part. I was relieved to read that it is precisely what I thought you might say about it. 65,000 Raiders obsessors must be right.
By the way, I’m a bit surprised you call the others “fans,” though perhaps you are more “obsessed” than others.
3 Ian Bowman // Jul 23, 2008 at 8:53 pm
louise - Excellent deductive reasoning. I’m honored that you would apply the power of deduction to The Power And The Glory (and other stuff created by yours truly). Note that for mental health reasons however, I am obligated to recommend that you cease and desist from said activities in the future.
Allen - You are right. As often others do I mistakenly referred to myself collectively along with the other 65,000 as a “fan.” It’s easy to do. I blame society. I’m so depressed now. I ran out of Prozac so I’ll divorce my parents.
4 Allen // Jul 24, 2008 at 8:40 am
Duke: The lights are growing dim, Otto. I know a life of crime has led me to this sorry fate, and yet, I blame society. Society made me what I am.
Otto: That’s bullshit. You’re a white suburban punk just like me.
Duke: Yeah, but it still hurts.
5 Jon // Jul 24, 2008 at 9:24 am
Sweet box, but yeah I agree with you on that list. It might as well say “Don’t get PUMPED”.
Clearly it was included so you could laugh at it.
6 Ian Bowman // Jul 25, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Jon - Haha. Yes, clearly. And between your obsession with getting PUMPED and your desire to laugh at what is prohibited, clearly you are a Raiders fan at heart.
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