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Some people invite me to their parties. They think I’ll shave ahead of time. They think I won’t get drunk when I’m there. They especially think I won’t show up and hit on girls in that condition.
Some people are wrong, wrong, and especially wrong!
As you know, I went to a Googlers barbecue recently. It was the day after I got stoned and drunk with my lawyer. But in between those two events was another barbecue. It was a going away party for two of my good friends.
I showed up to say goodbye, but I could see it was a target rich environment.
When I hit on girls, some people act all embarrassed. I mean both guys and girls that happen to be there. They also act like I should be ashamed, like I should make it a secret that I want to get naked and have hot passionate sex.
What the fuck do I have to be ashamed of? I’m single ain’t I? Skin on skin, let the love begin.
Oh, and for all the girls that I hit on, I only have two things to say to you. 1. They call me the hunter. 2. You better put out quick while I still have you in the sights of my gun.
What was my point exactly? I forgot. Oh yeah, I showed up at the first barbecue of the day and started hitting on girls.
This one guy saw my beard and started calling me a caveman. All the girls thought it was hilarious. All the girls that were in boring marriages and jealous that I wasn’t hitting on them, that is. Oh and what a surprise, that guy was 40 something years old and hadn’t got laid without paying for it in years.
There was one girl there that I really liked a lot. She was cute, sweet, and generally way more interesting than the average boring fucking person. It was totally obvious that I was hitting on her and people started freaking out. I asked her for her phone number and someone started taking pictures of me, like that was going to stop me or make me embarrassed.
Yeah right.
This is America people. Getting laid and being embarrassed about it should not coexist.
Oh and later that girl had a few words for the guy that called me a caveman.
“Hey loser. Just because you’re old and can’t find a girlfriend doesn’t mean you have to be a dick.”
Alas, soon it was time to leave. On to the next barbecue with my $200 pants.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Ally // Aug 14, 2008 at 4:30 pm
If this chick really said that, then she gets the Ally-stamp of approval! Go on ahead, soldier!
Oh and Bowman, why do you keep buying $200 pants when you ususally end up taking them off at party’s once you’re drunk… =) (which is like 5 secs after arriving, right?)
2 Allen // Aug 14, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Say it loud, “I fuck, and I’m proud.”
$200 pants that come off at a party are a much better value than regular pants that stay on at a party.
3 The Baglady // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:39 pm
The hubby thought you were hilarious. Good times.
4 Ally // Aug 15, 2008 at 2:04 am
Allen- He should be using the $200 as a downpayment on his booze. If Ian’s the irresistable 6′1 sex machine he claims to be (over and over) & his pants are going to end up in a bundled heap, who the fuck cares if they’re $200 or $20? =)
Ian-
I forgot to add, I <3 the “action shots.” Always wondered what you looked like when you were casting your mojo. I’ve only seen you when you’re sober and behaving.
5 Jon // Aug 15, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Those first two pictures couldn’t be more “Bowman”
6 Ian Bowman // Aug 16, 2008 at 9:47 pm
Ally - There are too many ifs in your second comment.
Allen - I’m in total agreement with you this time.
The Baglady - Yeah, that was good actually seeing you in person rather than just commenting on your blog or replying to your comments on my blog.
Jon - That is one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten in my life.
7 Ally // Aug 17, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I’ll try to refrain using “if.” Everytime I use “if,” Allen gets charged $.20.
8 Allen // Aug 18, 2008 at 10:27 am
Ally - If you’re looking to get money to get your own pants, then try something else. Or you can just take off your pants when you get to a party and save yourself the cash. I’m sure Ian can advise you as well.
9 Ally // Aug 18, 2008 at 11:41 am
Allen- Of course he can, but I’m a female. It doesn’t matter if I take my pants off, leave them on or just not wear any at all.
10 Allen // Aug 18, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Ally - Your thoughts should go from here to the minds of women everywhere.
Ian - It looks like Ally’s going to be very entertaining at the next party. Make sure to invite her.
11 Ally // Aug 18, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Next party? Bowman, is this another one of your pants-free bring your own booze dealies? How come last time I came to one, I was the only guest there?
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