If It Feels Good Do It

Thursday night in the United States of America.

I intended to get drunk. I met up with D for dinner. During dinner we had a few beers. Then we had some wine. Then we had a few shots of bulbash, alcohol that D imported. Then we went to a bar. We met a girl. She was totally superficial. She was also from Pasadena and a 49ers fan. What a coincidence.

We took a cab to another bar. We were totally drunk. The bouncers wouldn’t let us in even though it was only 1 a.m. What a coincidence.

D had something cool to show me.

“Check this out. We’ll just walk in through the back entrance.”

But they were on to us. A bouncer was posted up at the back entrance.

“Hey! I just saw you guys! You guys can’t come in through the back entrance either!”

“Oops, our bad.”

We walked out. On the way out I grabbed a cocktail glass.

“Hey! Come back here! You can’t do that!”

I went back there.

“Can’t do what?”

He got in my face.

“Just get the fuck out of this bar!”

I got in his face.

“You can’t kick us out!”

“Yes I can.”

“It’s only 1 a.m.”

“Well…”

Here’s some advice to the bouncers of the world. Just throw me out first. Then explain why you did it. Don’t try to do it the other way around, unless you want to duke it out. And trust me, you don’t.

The bouncer kept telling me to get out. I kept telling him to shut the fuck up.

He called in reinforcements on his radio.

“We’ve got a perpetrator in the back.”

A seriously huge guy walked back toward me and then started poking me in the stomach.

On to a different bar. Two more drinks. I barely remember walking home. I less barely remember the the bed spinning.

Friday morning in the United States of America.

I didn’t hear my alarm go off. I woke up late but got to work as quickly as I could.

I sat down at my desk. Uh-oh. Not again. I went up to the third floor bathroom and puked. Thankfully there was no one was in the bathroom, unlike the previous time.

Then I sat at my desk. I was exhausted.

Soon thereafter I was informed of an impromptu meeting.

I went to a room and proceeded to get yelled at regarding my job performance, or lack thereof. Some of what was said I agreed with, and said so. More of what was said I did not agree with, and said so. Even more of what he said I thought should have been told to me way prior, and said so.

People were only into approximately one third of what I said.

Oh well. I wasn’t about to get beat up by two bouncers, and I had already thrown up.

I went back to my desk and had an enjoyable and productive day at work.

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