Life is different when you ain’t got no job.
MONDAY, CONTINUED
I went to a cafe to read and write. But I was so tired. I had gotten up in the morning, prepared to do real work. Like at a job. At my former job.
But now I was so drowsy, I couldn’t formulate a complete sentence. I couldn’t even read one. I had lived so many days like that, forcing my hands to the keyboard, forcing my eyes to the pixels, forcing my mind to the algorithm. But I wasn’t going to live like that on this day.
I went to a park where a bunch of day laborers lay in the grass. I threw down my jacket and joined them.
The sky was blue. The wind was moderate. There was a low percentage chance of precipitation. And it was good.
I walked home and looked at the clock. It was almost time for Monday Night Football.
I watched the beginning of it. Well, I watched the rest of it too, but it was the first time I had seen the beginning of Monday Night Football since well, I had been an employed person. Being employed in America had been turning me un-American. Now I didn’t have that problem anymore. And it was good.
I thought about that.
TUESDAY, I THINK
I mentioned to Alden that I needed to tell him about something. By something, I meant for example, like, no longer being employed. But I didn’t tell him that. We should hang out, I said. He sent me the following email.
Oh, and some of you are wondering the way to my heart. You don’t need to wonder anymore. This is it.
OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE
FORMAT: email
DATE: Tue, Sep 16, 2008 at 3:35 PM
FROM: Alden Chew
SUBJECT: Re: Games on Saturday
BODY:
OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE FOR BADBOY RENDEZVOUS NUMBER 37, DATED SEPTEMBER SIXTEEN, TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT
8pm: Meet at * St., Emeryville, CA
8:15pm: Head out for dinner, maybe Ethiopian, or Pizza, as long as they have some beer
9pm: Go to the local biker bar (non biker is acceptable also) and hit on chicks until we either get 3 numbers or slapped 10 times, which ever comes first
??am: Hit up 7-11 for a box of condoms or bandages
??am + 2hrs: Time for you to head back to San Mateo
THIS ENDS THE OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE FOR BADBOY RENDEZVOUS NUMBER 37
THIS CONCLUDES THE OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE
And we rendezvoused. And it was good.
SOME OTHER DAY (IT’S NOT LIKE IT MATTERS, LIKE I SAID I AIN’T GOT NO JOB)
I did something else. And it was good.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Alex // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:30 am
I don’t know if I ever told you about my official job last summer as a loafer. It’s a pretty good gig, until the money runs out. Anyway, here are the job requirements:
* Couch.
* Television (playstation/xbox a plus)
* Should be willing to get out a few times a week, and spend the day at the beach.
Job description:
* Do 1 (one) activity a day, and feel productive having done it. The activity can range from sending out your resume to writing a short story to taking a really good shit, as long as it makes you feel productive, you’ll be happy.
* Spend the rest of the day on the beach or watching tv/playing video games.
* Repeat until you run out of cash and max out your credit cards.
2 Ian Bowman // Sep 18, 2008 at 11:35 am
Alex – Hahaha. Thank you, Alex. This comment is the shit. Oh, and it’s also full of good advice.
3 Missy // Sep 18, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Badboy rendezvous sound amazing. I’m starting to feel pretty jealous of your ammount of amusing correspondence. As I’m only half-employed, I feel like I can use some of your (and Alex’s) advise to spend my time (and credit) wisely. If only I cared enough about a team to watch Monday Night Football…
4 Ian Bowman // Sep 19, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Missy – I could help you with all of the above.
5 The Baglady // Sep 19, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Man.. seriously…seriously I wish I had no job now, but I’m too much of a wimp to just straight up quit and loaf. I guess I could just care less and less until I get fired.
6 Ian Bowman // Sep 19, 2008 at 2:06 pm
The Baglady – Seriously, I wish you had no job now, too. You could then change your blog’s tagline from “Attempts at a Sustainable Lifestyle” to “Attempts to Straight Up Quit And Loaf.” All of your posts could consist of pictures of you and I loafing. I would get naked to increase ratings. Just kidding, I would get naked whether it increased ratings or not.
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