getting weak and stuff everyday is one day closer to death but everyday I am still here it’s funny I never feel my own age when people call me a man I think they’re talking about someone else or something that doesn’t fit like whitewalls on a pickup
“Alright you guys, I gotta go to bed,” my grandfather says. He has an itinerary to maintain. “I have to get up tomorrow and go to the gym.”
The television is on my grandparent’s other favorite channel, something 20 or 20 something.
My grandfather leaves. It’s just my grandma and me. Reno 911 comes on.
One of the first things shown is a conversation among the Reno cops about CSI and pubic hair.
My grandmother cracks up.
“So anyways,” she says “Your mom told me a little bit about your job. What happened?”
I summarize my experience and conclude with the statement “But well, that’s capitalism.”
“Well that’s shit,” she concludes.
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
“Well still, that’s shitty. I should just go over there and smack ‘em.”
“Well, haha. Yeah.”
Two police stop an old woman crossing the street pushing a bunch of shopping carts. Her ass is hanging out. She tells the police to fuck off. After a brief wrestling match the woman briefly regains her composure. “I’ve got one sock,” she says. “I’ve got two shoes. AND HERE ARE MY TITS!” She lifts up her shirt. “Oh, nooooo!” the cops say. “That’s not what we wanted to see!”
My grandma laughs and laughs. She tilts back her head. She closes her eyes. “I’ve got one sock, two shoes, and here are my ha ha ha.”
“Yeah, ha ha ha. That was good,” I say. And it was.
brought my truck in to have the tires rotated but they didn’t even rotate the tires it’s amazing the level of incompetence whenever judging someone other than yourself but when judging yourself it’s usually all good unless someone draws attention to some minute detail that happened in the past whether talking about self or other it is better incompetence than incontinence or well maybe that’s just when talking about self maybe you’d rather have someone chronically piss in their pants than be incompetent and that may or may not be selfish
3 responses so far ↓
1 Ally // Sep 24, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Sounds like a cool grandma.
2 Allen // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Very astute observations about criticizing others versus ourselves, and well the whole incompetence/incompetence thing…which is a nice call back.
3 Ian Bowman // Sep 29, 2008 at 10:14 am
Ally – Yeah she is. No doubt.
Allen – Callbacks are good.
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