If It Feels Good Do It

2 p.m. the best time time to go any where? in the valley. she answered the door wearing a bathrobe. well she was married and they’re always like that. then she filled my mind with the gossip of people unmet and other prolific sentiment not well received by husbands. after disrobing her robe she showed [...]

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I remember once in the 80s, my dad brought home this new invention known as the answering machine. He obsessed over creating the perfect greeting with background music. One thing he had to emphasize was to speak AFTER the tone. Some people would just start leaving their message once they heard “please leave me a [...]

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Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time with this mongrel: Cookie. That’s her name. My friend’s ex-girlfriend made my friend move to a different apartment so she could have a dog. Then she got a dog. Then she promptly broke up with my friend and moved out. Now she never comes to play with [...]

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Yesterday, major milestone: I sold my boat. I went to the DMV with the guy that bought it. It reminded me why I am a libertarian. “Ok, so I sold this gentleman my boat and we just wanted to finalize the paperwork.” “Wait?! Why are there two sets of paperwork??!” asked the woman at window [...]

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cars look different when you’re drunk. no imperfections absolute they are like toys. you can’t see their rough edges in a glass elevator going down. but eventually you get there. and the cars are made of sharp metal once again.

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Some people want to look this good. Well, unless your name is Ian Bowman, you can’t. But I’ll tell you how to at least get one piece of the equation: the mullet. It’s actually pretty simple. Go see Corey at the salon in the Mandalay Bay. Corey is originally from Minnesota, hockey hair country. That’s [...]

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I’ll keep this short and sweet. I moved last Thursday. Last week I was so sick though I didn’t get much packing or preparation finished before that. Thursday night I moved from around 7 p.m. until 4 p.m. on Friday the next day. I took a two hour nap at noon and that was the [...]

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This is a longer post for those of you who said you wanted an occasional longer post. Or maybe it’s just a longer post. Or maybe there’s someone kissing my neck right now so I don’t really know what’s going on. In Kepler’s last night I saw Rachel Bird. We had never met before but [...]

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Yesterday during Monday Night Football I just happened to see the following “Saints Row 2″ commercial. Guess what background music they used? Aw yeah. I wonder how much they payed the guy to come up with that selection? I actually like my editing better. The game looks cool, though. Oh and speaking of editing, I [...]

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Without further ado I present my newest video about unemployment. It features the following. A Dance Sequence. Voice overs. Nudity. Dialog offensive to anyone with a common sense of decency. It is an epic masterpiece. Email it to someone you love.

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