If It Feels Good Do It

2 p.m. the best time time to go any
where?
in the valley.
she answered the door
wearing a
bathrobe.
well she was married
and they’re always like that.
then she filled my mind
with the gossip
of people unmet
and other prolific sentiment
not well received
by husbands.
after disrobing her robe
she showed me her
pumpkin.
isn’t it beautiful?
she said.
carve it for me
Ian!
carve it
and wash me
in the blood
you spill.
when we [...]

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I remember once in the 80s, my dad brought home this new invention known as the answering machine. He obsessed over creating the perfect greeting with background music. One thing he had to emphasize was to speak AFTER the tone. Some people would just start leaving their message once they heard “please leave me a [...]

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Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time with this mongrel:

Cookie. That’s her name.
My friend’s ex-girlfriend made my friend move to a different apartment so she could have a dog. Then she got a dog. Then she promptly broke up with my friend and moved out.
Now she never comes to play with or take care [...]

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Yesterday, major milestone: I sold my boat.
I went to the DMV with the guy that bought it. It reminded me why I am a libertarian.
“Ok, so I sold this gentleman my boat and we just wanted to finalize the paperwork.”
“Wait?! Why are there two sets of paperwork??!” asked the woman at window 12.
“Well, [...]

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cars look different
when you’re drunk.
no imperfections
absolute
they are like
toys.
you can’t see
their
rough
edges
in a glass elevator
going down.
but
eventually
you get there.
and the cars
are made of
sharp metal
once again.

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Some people want to look this good.

Well, unless your name is Ian Bowman, you can’t.
But I’ll tell you how to at least get one piece of the equation: the mullet.
It’s actually pretty simple. Go see Corey at the salon in the Mandalay Bay. Corey is originally from Minnesota, hockey hair country.
That’s all you really [...]

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I’ll keep this short and sweet.
I moved last Thursday.
Last week I was so sick though I didn’t get much packing or preparation finished before that.
Thursday night I moved from around 7 p.m. until 4 p.m. on Friday the next day. I took a two hour nap at noon and that was the only sleep I [...]

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This is a longer post for those of you who said you wanted an occasional longer post. Or maybe it’s just a longer post. Or maybe there’s someone kissing my neck right now so I don’t really know what’s going on.
In Kepler’s last night I saw Rachel Bird. We had never met before but she [...]

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Yesterday during Monday Night Football I just happened to see the following “Saints Row 2″ commercial. Guess what background music they used?

Aw yeah. I wonder how much they payed the guy to come up with that selection?
I actually like my editing better. The game looks cool, though.
Oh and speaking of editing, I should thank [...]

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Without further ado I present my newest video about unemployment.

It features the following.

A Dance Sequence.
Voice overs.
Nudity.
Dialog offensive to anyone with a common sense of decency.

It is an epic masterpiece. Email it to someone you love.

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