If It Feels Good Do It

DEPARTURE 2 I was still in Tokyo experiencing something like information overload and culture shock combined into one you could call it cultural overload if you felt like I was fatigued on the subway things became strange it was just after sunset and people were slumped over and one guy was stroking his chin very carefully stroking his chin and then his lips and out of those lips slipped a lizard tongue which he pulled on gently sliding his hands slowly down until then hit the edges of the fork at the end and still farther down, squeezing the two sides of the fork together I stood up and walked slowly over to his seat staring at his face the whole time then he started smiling after he sucked his tongue back into his mouth and he said to me

ha ha ha

and walked out of the train and under his steps was a green glow that was under some other people’s steps and they were all headed in the same direction so I followed them through back alleyways of Shinjuku to a warehouse where a lot of people were standing in a circle

ooh

ah

ohh

ah

ohh

ah

let’s get in on baby

Well I’m not sure if the last part is an exact translation but it was something like that and they raised their hands and lowered them around a box out of which before my eyes grew a big white flower and they took turns eating it and I ate it and fire flew from my hands everyone’s hands and it was exhausting I walked into the street and passed out and some people helped me to my feet and I walked to my friend’s home and got in bed and started chewing on my nails not something I normally do but it just felt good so I chewed them all to my fingertips and it took a few hours lying in bed not really sleeping and so I stuck my finger in my mouth and then two and then three and finally my whole hand and pulling on my elbow with my other hand I moved my hand down my throat through my neck an then into my stomach where I grabbed something soft and pulled it up and I threw it against the wall and it stuck and I kept on doing it I would not categorize my state of mind as nervous I was quite calm and I went back to that warehouse and threw part of my stomach on the flower and everyone ate it anyways this time we all passed out in the street and no one was conscious to help me up and I almost didn’t pack in time to go to the airport my friend’s family gave me a ride and it was very kind as we arrived two hours early but I happened to be feeling somewhat nauseous but I thought oh well I will be arriving in Taiwan soon this will be tight until

ok ladies and gentleman we have a special announcement. stay tuned for a special announcement. we will have a special announcement in 20 minutes.

They said that at about six p.m. and it was not 20 minutes it was more like an hour and then they proceeded with their special announcement

ok ladies and gentlemen, we are ready to make our special announcement. your flight will be delayed. and it will be delayed until eleven a.m. tomorrow morning. you will need to leave the airport. and to leave the airport you will need to clear customs. and to clear customs you will need to turn in your passport and fill out a declaration form.

It was such an unreasonable turn of events I thought at any second I would wake up but I did not and reluctantly handed in my passport to the gate agent and waited and everyone who was not flying standby was compensated with a hotel room and free dinner but I was flying standby so I was not compensated and I waited and waited while everyone else got their passports back but I did not get mine back and finally the agent said that I would need to go with a gentleman who was a customs agent and that customs agent handcuffed me and brought me to a room with white paint and bright lights and I asked him what the fuck was going on but he told me that since I was flying standby I had no rights and he chained me to the wall and flogged me with a black cane until I lost consciousness SURREAL ARRIVAL and suddenly there I was walking along the back streets of Taipei near Longshan temple I felt like I was the only white man to ever set foot on the uneven asphalt that made up the street everything was so foreign and I had seen so many foreign things it was like a dream a woman came up and started speaking Mandarin that I did not understand and I said I did not understand then she grabbed my arm and said

san p

and I told her again that I did not understand but she grabbed my arm tighter and said it even louder over and over again

san p

san p

san p

and she led me to a dark room and her friend was there and they both got naked and I got naked and I realized for the first time where I was it was Taiwan baby then I walked back to my friend’s place the house of a husband and wife (The Husband and The Wife) who had finally arrived home from work at that point and The Wife had made for me an week-long itinerary so the next day I walked to a gas station to meet a girl who wanted to show me around merely to practice English and we went to the CKS Residence Gardens and then her friend met us who was like a taller version of a short beauty I know from California and we went to the National Palace Museum and saw some artifacts that were more than 5,000 years old it was amazing until finally I was too exhausted even to eat and so they took the train station near my place and asked me if I knew where my friend’s place was and I said yes and they asked me if I was sure and I was but they really wanted to walk with me so we walked for a while and I was feeling kind of sick and finally I laughed and said I really really knew where the place was and thank you for being so kind and today was totally fun because it was indeed totally fun except it was freezing cold and the next day I woke up at nine and took the train down to Tainan in South Taiwan to visit my sweet sweet ex ex girlfriend’s girlfriend P who lives Vegas but is from Tainan and was visiting her family I rode on the train through rice paddies and past walls with chipped paint it was all so eerily familiar I had seen it before somewhere but I couldn’t remember where and when I arrived my mind exploded with this same ominous premonition I had never been to Taiwan before but all these barred windows and narrow alleys were at the edge of a disturbing memory and P brought me to her family’s house and it was six stories and on the top floor was an I-Kuan Tao (mixture of Confucianism, Buddhism, and Taoism) temple P’s mother insisted on showing me the temple almost immediately upon entry into the building and she flipped a switch and it all became lit up and I slept on the fifth floor in an unused bedroom on the floor the smell of freshly laid paint was in my nostrils I couldn’t sleep well for a few hours and woke up late the next day then P’s brother brought both of us to sample local food and he paid for it all and he was very nice then he brought me to a sugar factory converted into a Taiwanese drum facility and he gave me a demonstration and I even got to try the drums out it was awesome sort of similar to Taiko drums but I liked the Taiwanese style better and at that facility they also made drums and hosted drumming conventions where Japanese and Korean students came to perform and on top of all that the facility even was conducting water reclamation experiments with a local river and was sort of like a communal farm and P and I rode on a hand-powered train that ran right through the middle of the place and we laughed and laughed what a great day and she very sweetly figured out that taking a bus back to Taipei would be cheaper and more comfortable and basically take the same amount of time I highly recommend taking a bus from Tainan to to Taipei or vice versa but then when I got back The Wife insisted that I go to this nightclub called Luxy and I got there at 2 a.m. girls everywhere grabbing my hands wanting to dance and getting mad when I talked to their friends or just standing at the bar doing nothing meant getting attention or saying hello meant getting leaned on and kissing and

here’s my phone number and what’s your MSN

I slept from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. I woke up not sure where I was I felt like I was still in Japan because the pounding in my head and dryness of my throat and the trying not to cough felt the same and what happened until around 7 p.m. I don’t quite remember but at 7 p.m. is when I met yet another sweet sweet ex ex girlfriend’s girlfriend O for the first time she was O and the only thing I knew about her before we met was that she also liked Bukowski and then and then

When I first saw you
you
turned around
and looked down
as I said
nice to meet you
you
said
one minute
as the direction
of the restaurant
you
chose for us.
I felt sick
faint
choking
on the Taipei air
and I knew then that
I would miss
you
and I
began missing
you
as
you
sat there laughing
at my jokes.
I drank beer
and I
tried not to
accidentally
vomit
or
pass out.
Our time
together
was
so
so
short
and I had to leave
and I did not know
how to tell
you
that
you
were
so
so
special to me
without making
you
think that I
wanted to
sleep with
you
because
actually I
also
wanted to
sleep with
you.

I asked her if she had read Notes of a Dirty Old Man and she said something I never heard any girl say before when asked that question

yes

and not only that she thought Notes of a Dirty Old Man was funny and she thought I was funny and then oh man and then we went to go watch a movie and we sat close and I could feel myself falling for her and I thought oh man after the movie I asked her if she wanted to come over to my friend’s place meaning The Husband and The Wife’s place honestly I knew time was short I just wanted to talk some more WORLDWIDE JEALOUSY also the thing I most despise in life is not doing something out of fear and I did not want to just say goodbye I could not say goodbye at that moment so we took a taxi to my friend’s place there are things that seem funny to me now but not to my friends until later and then there are things that are funny to me now but are never funny to my friends and walking into the apartment with O at 2 a.m. was one of them their faces with their mouths open I just could not help but laugh of course they had joked about me picking up girls all week and even encouraged me to go to clubs but when it came down to it The Wife was jealous I get that all the time and all I had to say was

anyone else want some beer?

But of course no one else did suddenly beer was unpopular and suddenly I was unpopular but too bad and the next day I got a massive lecture by The Wife about how since I was in Taiwan I should follow the customs over there which meant not bringing strangers over and I agreed and I said I was sorry but no compassion and no

that’s ok

and arguments arguments arguments and conservative conservative conservative and when she lived in California for eight years despite her foreign idiosyncrasies how many times did I tell her she should behave more like a Californian absolutely none that’s how many but of course she didn’t think of it like that and of course she was jealous but she of course would not say it it was still a good day we had a good time hanging out and I bought my mother a cup with Chinese characters on it that say wo ai ne (I love you) and a bowl for my Chinese step-dad that said handsome father and bowl for my sister that says beautiful sister because when it comes down to it I do love them all but I missed O so much all day and all night and just before I got on the plane the female gate agent said something to me and so the last thing anyone said to me in Taiwan was

i saw you earlier. out in the lobby. waiting in line. and good luck to you.

And I thought to myself man I love Taiwan and I do and I love the world.

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