One of the downsides of being unemployed is that it’s easy to end up spending large portions of the day alone. During daylight hours, I mean. Everyone else is at work. And I hate being alone. That’s one of my not so well concealed, secret weaknesses. Or I used to hate being alone. A lot of my writing is a reaction to being alone, either in thought or in physicality. So I write a lot. And I love to write. And that’s why I don’t absolutely hate being alone anymore.
Another thing that’s easy to do during the course of the day as an unemployed person is absolutely nothing. Or close to it. Some days my accomplishments very closely approximate nothing. And even when I do something, it feels like nothing. I have given up much of my former ambition. But it’s hard to give up the idea that my life should be full of accomplishments. Why not have a life full of trying to accomplish as little as possible? It’s like Jesus said: “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.”
When I was a child, I didn’t want to accomplish shit. And I felt way better.
I have much less ambition than I did a few years ago. And it feels good.
3 responses so far ↓
1 Ross // Jan 30, 2009 at 2:12 pm
“I have much less ambition than I did a few years ago. And it feels good.” — don’t do it.
2 ally // Jan 30, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Are you putting out any resumes or doing interviews? Just curious…
I hear ya about being alone during the day, being on med leave I often feel the same way.
3 Ian Ian Ian // Feb 1, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Ross – My IQ is not high enough to understand that comment.
ally – Yes.
I’m sure you do. In fact med leave sounds even worse.
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