If It Feels Good Do It

First of all, I do not recommend going to both Japan and Taiwan during the same trip. But, that’s exactly what I did in January.

On to the review.

CATEGORY #1: GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!

Oh man. This is a big one.

Both places have millions of beautiful girls packed into a small area, seemingly single, and who love me for all the wrong reasons. (That last thing is not particularly noteworthy since there are no right reasons).

Anyways, I’m going to attempt the impossible: a head-to-head comparison.

Generally, in Japan, unless you’re at a bar or similar venue, people are reserved about talking to strangers.

Relative to California. Here, if I see someone else on the subway wearing say, the same Raiders hat as me, I might strike up a conversation with that dude. If I see another girl wearing the same Raiders hat, I might say, ask her to sleep with me.

It’s not quite the same in Japan. As I said, people are generally more reserved. So, meeting girls can sometimes feel kind of awkward. However, if you do meet a girl that likes you, it is very likely she will speak some English. Also, with a translation book you can at least utter the most essential phrases:

beddo ni ikimasho — Let’s go to bed.

hiningu nashi de wa shimasen — I won’t do it without protection!

Man. That second one I need to get tattooed on my chest in at least five different languages.

Anyways, Taiwan is different. Way different. Let me use some alliteration to illustrate what I mean: Taiwan is the most foreigner friendly fucking place I have ever been.

The second day after I arrived I walked past this park where a high school field trip was lined up. I was wearing sunglasses. Suddenly a girl yelled “Hello! Nice to meet you!” I waved back. I guess she thought I was Brad Pitt or something. A lot of girls think all handsome white guys look alike. And that’s fine with me. But then she and a bunch of other girls began taking pictures and started clapping.

And that was just the second day.

On buses and stuff I could hear girls speaking in Chinese, wanting to talk to me, but not knowing what to say. But that is one thing worth noting: there is a lot less English in Taiwan than Japan. It’s easy to meet a girl in Taiwan that loves you at first sight. But it’s hard to meet a girl that loves you and speaks English.

But there are exceptions. Besides, Taiwan is where I met the new love of my life, O. Her English is good. Too good.

WINNER (CATEGORY#1: GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!): Taiwan

This concludes the review.

Just kidding.

CATEGORY #2: FOOD

Obviously, if you love Japanese food, Japan is great. Every night you can eat udon, ramen, or gyoza. If you want to get more exotic you can eat sashimi, okonomiyaki, naked sushi, kyabakura, Soapland.

Uh, sorry. Got a little sidetracked for a second there. Give me five minutes.

Ok, back.

For me though, Japanese food gets a little repetitive after a while. If, similar to me you like Chinese food, then Taiwan has plenty to offer and ultimately the choices are more varied. Oh, and the food is much cheaper (and so is everything else).

WINNER (CATEGORY#2: FOOD): Taiwan

CATEGORY #3: CLEANLINESS

Japan is the cleanest country I’ve ever visited. The subways for example are spotless and there is a noticeable lack of litter and graffiti everywhere.

Although its subways are also spotless, Taiwan is not quite as clean as Japan in terms of litter and graffiti. Also, the air quality is generally bad, and absolutely horrible in Taipei. A few days after I arrived I started coughing.

Note that both Japan and Taiwan commonly do not provide soap in public bathrooms.

WINNER (CATEGORY #3: CLEANLINESS): Japan

CATEGORY #4: STUFF TO DO

Generally, anything urban, big and bold in Taiwan has already been done bigger and bolder (and drunker) in Japan. Like, in the previous century.

It’s not always about big and bold, though. There is so much to see in Taiwan. So many buildings of historical significance. So many cultural idiosyncrasies. So much natural beauty. And I’m not just talking about the female faces. Taiwan has a lot more ethnic diversity than Japan. In addition to ethnic Chinese, there is a thriving indigenous population. Multiple indigenous cultures coexist there. Also, after having been ruled by mainland China, the Dutch, and the Japanese, Taiwan has a complicated and interesting history. A lot of people underestimate the subtleties of Taiwan. And if you want big and bold, Taipei has among other things a great nightlife worth checking out.

But Japan also has natural beauty. It also has a fascinating history. Regretfully, I am going to have this category a tie. There is too much to do in both places.

WINNER (CATEGORY #4: STUFF TO DO): Tie

CATEGORY #5: PUBLIC TRANSIT

Both places have a great public transit system. However, in Taiwan the lack of English on the bus and train system make riding it nerve-wracking at times. Of course, once you learn some basic Chinese, the experience is more authentic.

But that takes a while.

WINNER (CATEGORY #5: PUBLIC TRANSIT): Japan

That concludes the review. I’m serious.

Summary:

Japan’s winning categories: Cleanliness, and Public Transit.

Taiwan’s winning categories: Girls! Girls! Girls! and Food.

Japan and Taiwan tie at: Stuff to do.

In short, visit both countries, but not during the same trip.

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