About a week ago I was chatting online with my cousin Tracy. You know, the one that almost died in China, during the earthquake. The best thing about him surviving that quake is that he continues to have me as a beneficial influence. He was depressed after getting rejected by a few potential employers. (We’ve all been there.) Well, maybe he wasn’t actually depressed. But whatever the case, the event of him getting rejected prompted inspirational discourse. By me.
And that’s what counts.
IAN IAN OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE
format: Google Talk
date: February 3, 2009
me: fuck
sorry to hear that
in other news
i was just in berkeley and i bought “the best american essays, 2008″
which contains “this old house” by david sedaris
and even more importantly
means that
Tracy: oo
me: i can carry it around
and look like an intellectual
and therefore
get laid
Tracy: HAHA
THIS CONCLUDES THE IAN IAN OFFICIAL CORRESPONDENCE
See what I mean?
On Friday I ate dinner with Allen at Harry’s Hofbrau in Foster City. There we participated in a discourse that was not so much inspirational as it was intellectual. We were having this highbrow, intelligent discussion and shit.
A large group of mostly women was seated at a nearby table. In line to get food, I could tell they were staring at me. Not that I blame them. I would stare at myself too, if I weren’t me. Just kidding. I stare at myself anyways.
Later, after consuming our food products Allen and I continued our highbrow, intelligent discussion and shit. Among other things, I showed him a piece in “The Best American Essays 2008.”
The large group exited the restaurant. Well, with the exception of one guy who walked up to our table.
“Excuse me,” he said loudly. “You have a female admirer within the group.”
And he handed me a woman’s business card with handwriting on the back of it.
“I’m the 5′9” blonde with the big… group. Call me if you would like to have a cup of coffee. I liked your book. (That you’re reading.)”
Official conclusion: I was right.
See what I mean?
20 responses so far ↓
1 alden // Feb 9, 2009 at 2:10 pm
great post, as always.
on a separate note, i’m amazed how complicated the english language is. just imagine what would go through your head if one of those words (big) was moved to a different location in the sentence (before 5′9″).
also, i’m going to start flipping coins to make decisions more often.
2 alden // Feb 9, 2009 at 2:14 pm
so did you get a look at this nice lady and/or meet up for coffee?
3 Allen // Feb 9, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Exclusive comment forthcoming. Prepare thineself.
As I was present for the dinner portion of this story, I have little comment other than to say 2 things:
1) To those who think someone makes up the life described here, this story is not fiction.
2) IfItFeelsGoodDoIt.com continues to be my number one source of news and information.
That ends this exclusive comment.
4 Justin // Feb 9, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Man, that is a truly inspirational story and is further evidence of why anyone that is bored or lonely needs to get out of their apartment.
I also agree with Alden that an epilogue is needed. Did you call her?
5 Ian Ian // Feb 9, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Alden – Of course I did not call her! It’s all about O.
Allen – Haha. Nice.
Justin – Of course I did not call her! It’s all about O.
6 G Money // Feb 9, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Yeah right… that was totally not written by a girl (looks too messy).
I’m the 5′7″ brunette with the big round ass. Call me when the blonde doesn’t show up.
7 Ian Ian // Feb 9, 2009 at 5:07 pm
G Money – Sweet! I love short brunettes. Or not short. Or wait! It’s all about O.
You’ll have to wait in line. I’ll let you know if there are any vacancies on my free mattress from craigslist. And bring your high heels.
8 alden // Feb 9, 2009 at 6:14 pm
At first I thought about censoring myself for this post, but I realized that it felt good, so I went ahead and did it:
When are we going to see your O face?
Also, you sound like a chick when you say “It’s all about [the] O”
9 ramona // Feb 9, 2009 at 7:30 pm
i dunno i don’t think you want to drink coffee with anyone who thinks “the best american essays 2008″ is such hot shit.
10 Rachel // Feb 9, 2009 at 9:13 pm
When are you going to say something profound? I’m ready for it.
11 Ian Ian // Feb 10, 2009 at 10:03 am
alden – I sound like a chick when I say, “It’s all about the O?” Ok, fair enough. But you sound like a guy who doesn’t sleep with chicks when you don’t say, “It’s all about the O.”
romona – Hey dork. Not the book. The guy reading it.
Rachel – If you’re referring to me then I recommend you unready yourself. I will not say something profound any time soon. I guarantee it. Like George Zimmerman.
12 nicole // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Great. May I introduce you my yet another sweet girlfriend Avalon, arguably the next “A”.
13 alden // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:32 pm
sweet, maybe ian can show A 2.0 his behind-the-back-with-one-hand move
14 thebaglady // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:33 pm
HAHAHAHAH…using books to pick up chicks.. that’s awesome
15 thebaglady // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:36 pm
yeah you gotta call her and add a post, and then show her this blog
16 Ian Ian // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Nicole – No! The situation is already scandalous enough. I don’t want to hook up with yet another one of my ex-girlfriend’s girlfriends. And I really like O!
Wait, is A2 coming to California?
17 nicole // Feb 10, 2009 at 1:55 pm
A 2.0 is a San Diego native, you’ll like her better since she favors challenges and presumably also loves activities that involve rear-ended-moves.. as cited by Alden. On those terms, she will out-beat the unsolicited lady in a three-star restaurant.
18 Ian Ian // Feb 11, 2009 at 12:47 am
thebaglady – Note that thoughts are often separate from actions!
HAHA. Um. Baglady. You and I think alike.
And sometimes thoughts are the same as actions.
nicole – You know Nicole, all I have to say is… I’m so glad to have you in my life. Not sure what I’d do without you.
19 AAA AAA // Feb 11, 2009 at 11:28 am
Hey is it “all about O” since O reads this? I’d guess it is more about the 5′9″ number.
20 Ross // Feb 11, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Every girl who reads this blog = “Oh Ian… you are so handsome and funny… I want to comment something witty… so you will take notice of me, and love me”
jeez!
Stop being such a chick magnet Ian!
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