“If you are stuck in a rut, the best way out is to do new things. This is especially true if you don’t feel like doing those things.”
-Ian Bowman, 2009
Well, it might have been 2008 or 2007 when I originally said something like that, but fuck it you get the point.
Zumba in a nutshell is a type of aerobics class where participants do Latin dance moves.
My mother had been telling me to take Zumba for a while. Prior to that, Mia took Zumba and thoroughly enjoyed it.
So, this morning I showed up at Gold’s Gym and walked into the Zumba class at 9 AM. I didn’t feel like walking in. I just did it.
The room had a glass wall on one side of it. People were outside next to the wall. People running on treadmills stared in at me. People running on elliptical running machines stared at me. People riding exercise bikes stared at me. People just standing there stared at me.
There was a total of around 40 persons in the class. There was one other guy. He was a senior citizen. There were 38 middle-aged women. Then there was me. In the back.
And then the music started. The music was the best part. I liked it. The teacher played a lot of merengue, mambo, rumba — stuff like that.
But I looked in the mirror. What the fuck was I doing here? While still at Davis I had a five year opportunity to take aerobics classes and be surrounded by hot chicks. But what did I do during that time? Study. Now where were those hot chicks? Gone. When Mia was taking Zumba I could have taken it with her. We could have done it together as a couple and it would have been good. But now where was Mia? Gone. During this era of post-college ardor, of continual study, of diligence and self-improvement, what the fuck was I doing? Absolutely nothing. Where was my middle aged woman? Where was my any kind of woman? Not there.
I looked in the mirror. I looked at my awkward self. I wasn’t a guy completely unable to do the dance moves. But, I wasn’t a guy totally able to do the moves either. I could sort of do the moves, but only in my own weird way. I wanted to do them in the original way. I wanted to do them in the normal way.
I looked in the mirror. The teacher was female. The dance moves were feminine. There was one other guy, but he was an old guy so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted. I was 31 and was therefore expected to uphold societal standards. I was not upholding societal standards. I was surrounded by females doing feminine dance moves in a feminine way. I asked myself how to do the moves in a manly way. I was unable to answer my own question. And that was typical.
I looked in the mirror. I looked at myself. People in the room looked in the mirror and looked at me. People outside the room looking through the glass looked at me. I could not totally do the dance moves. I could not totally not do the dance moves. I was just sort of like, there.
And that was my life.
Everyone else had theories and earnings and efficiency and ambition. Everyone else had dignity. I was just sort of like, there.
And I am just sort of like, here. Writing this. And today is another day like that.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Allen // Apr 6, 2009 at 2:34 pm
And we’re just…like…here…reading it. So…like. That seems fair. At least you know where you are.
2 Ross // Apr 6, 2009 at 5:02 pm
What you’ve just described is how my typical day feels.
Anyways – “They are only human: Sad lonely individuals who cling to their social norms. Don’t try to be different in order to be accepted. Accept that you are different, and run with it.”
– Ross Laird, 2009
3 G Money // Apr 7, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I completely understand. At least you have the ability to put it into words. And at least it isn’t snowing in fucking April where you’re at.
I was actually pretty good at Zumba when I tried it, but maybe that was because I was the only latin chick in the room… and probably within a 30 mile radius.
Take advantage of those milfy cougs! Otherwise you could be writing another blog just like this in 30 years when they won’t give you the time of day anymore… =)
4 Anne Wayman // Apr 9, 2009 at 7:12 am
Zumba – hmmm – Gold’s gym? I attend one called Urban Body – I can walk to it… mostly guys, mostly lots of grunting, mostly hard body classes which would probably kill me. Still I work out there usually three days a week. Gym thoughts are weird.
A lifestyle that requires going to a gym to be a good animal is weird. But there you have it.
5 Ian Ian // Apr 13, 2009 at 9:36 am
Allen – Alright, whatever.
Rosss – Haha, nice quote.
G Money – You crack me up
Anne Wayman – Nice to see you on here. And you’re right: gym thoughts are often weird. And weird thoughts are often good. At least, it’s good to have them sometimes.
6 Kari // Apr 17, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Dude, that’s exactly why when I was taking dance classes, I had to do private lessons. How the hell are you supposed to really (and I mean REALLY) dance when there are a zillion eyes staring at your graceless ass? And by “your graceless ass” I really do mean my graceless ass. But, seriously, it’s kinda impossible at times.
7 Ryan // Aug 28, 2009 at 6:31 pm
I promiss to finish this post if you could just educate me on what the F*** MTL stands for. I just saw this infomercial about zumba and stubled into here. I googled “what the F*** is zumba”…. hihi
8 Bowman // Aug 31, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Ryan – MTL stands for — well it is what I call my ex gf on here. But I’ll switch from using an acronym to a pseudonym like everyone else.
Mia. I’ll use Mia. Thanks Ryan.
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