If It Feels Good Do It

I AM NOT SURE WHAT I WAS THINKING EXACTLY

I took out my nine millimeter. This was at one point during the past six months.

I took out my nine millimeter. It had an empty clip in it. That’s the way I keep it. But I took that empty clip out. Well first I clicked the release. Then I slid the empty clip out. Metal on metal filled my bedroom.

I was seated at my desk. It was the middle of the day. I had been writing about being fired. My used-to-be workbook was open to the last entry. September 15, 2008. Such an innocent sounding date. The book contained an incomplete things to do list.

There is another clip that I have. It has eight rounds in it. That is the way I keep it. I slid in that loaded clip. Metal on metal. It was the middle of the day. Then I pulled back on the slide to chamber the first round.

I saw that top bullet. It was golden. Then I let go of the slide and sat there with a loaded gun in my hand. My right index finger was on the trigger guard. But I took it off of the trigger guard. It was the middle of the day.

I looked again at the open notebook at my desk.

I was writing about the day that I was fired. Or I had been. Now my right index finger was inches away from destruction. Or less than inches.

I looked at my screen. I could write. Or I could not do that. That was my entire world. My finger was inches away from destruction. Or less than inches.

But then I dragged my left hand through the air to the clip release, and pressed it. I slid those seven rounds out. I exhaled. I gripped the slide. I pulled it back. In the light of the middle of the day that golden bullet fell through the air. That golden bullet bounced off the carpet.

I am not sure what I was thinking exactly.

I put my nine millimeter away. Then I put my hands on the keyboard.

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Anyways, I have some announcements to make.

* At the Junior College I took writing classes at I won third place in a short story writing contest. This was a few months ago.

* I reworked that third place story and submitted it to a periodical. It’s been more than two weeks and I have not been rejected yet — a new record.

* I received an offer to teach English in Japan starting April. As I was aiming for September, at first I wasn’t sure how to fill my time. But no longer.

* On Sunday I will move to Southern California. To Long Beach. I decided about a week ago. I will stay in Long Beach until around April. I will write more about why I am moving and what my plans are in a future blog post.

* Incidentally, I will blog more since I have a theme to write about again: Living in Long beach at the edge of the ghetto for $500 per month including all utilities, trying to find a job working part-time as an engineer, trying to find a group of filmmakers to work with, volunteering at a local boys and girls club, taking screenwriting classes, and writing memoirs.

* That thing I blogged on April 1st about having a son was an April Fools joke. I still get asked about it, which is quite flattering. However for the record again, it was just a joke.

Right now I am in Mountain View. It is sunny. It feels strange to know that in one week I will live more than 400 miles away.

Oh, and I need to urinate.

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