I’m color blind. That’s something you probably don’t know about me. And I file that aspect of myself under, “cons.”
One popular trend is to justify human attributes with the theory of evolution. Actually I believe so strongly in the theory of evolution, it feels silly calling it a theory. But using evolution to justify weakness is even more dumb than not believing in it. And by dumb I mean pointless.
I know there is an evolutionary explanation of color-blindness online somewhere. Let me find one.
OK, found this from Wikipedia:
There are some studies which conclude that color blind individuals are better at penetrating certain color camouflages and it has been suggested that this may be the evolutionary explanation for the surprisingly high frequency of congenital red-green color blindness.
See what I mean? How the fuck is that explanation going to help me tell my socks apart?
And you can justify anything using evolutionary logic.
From Ian Bowman, 2009:
There are some studies which conclude that being a stupid motherfucker makes you less likely to trip out when someone says, “Suck my dick you fucking douche bag,” and it has been suggested that this may be the evolutionary explanation for the surprisingly high frequency of being a really stupid motherfucker.
Segue here. OK, done with the segue. This morning I couldn’t tell my socks apart. My ex-girlfriend’s last Christmas gift to me when we were still together was a few dozen pairs of gray and off-white socks. She knew I was color blind. Sweet gift, huh?I think her plan was to be more useful. It worked, but then she took her not color blind eyeballs away.
Maybe that’s how I’ll update my Facebook Profile:
Looking For: A Freakin Woman To Help Me Tell My Socks Apart And Shit. P.S. Socks Given To Me By My Ex-Girfriend And Shit. P.P.S. Hope You’re OK With That. P.P.P.S. Or I Could Just Throw My Gray And Off-White Socks Away When You Show Up. Fuck It.
Speaking of love and dreams, thank you for all the love you showed me after my last post.
I want to follow that badboy up with a second post that rocks your world. But another con of me is that I want to summarize my whole life in every paragraph.
I won’t do that this time though. I’ll just start with today.
This morning I couldn’t tell my socks apart.
5 responses so far ↓
1 Heidi Sterckx // Jan 1, 2010 at 1:52 pm
OK Bowman, here’s the deal: color-blindness is more common in men than it is in women and yes, it is the result of an evolutionary prank. However, as with all of these evolutionary jokes of nature it does serve a purpose and it is totally 2010. If you’d asked me; you are blessed my friend, and color blindness should definitely be classified as a pro.
From Heidi S, 2010:
My boyfriend is color blind too and I love him for it!
First of all, he let me pick any freaking color I liked when we were decorating the flat (including the screaming red I chose for the guest room). Imagine how many pointless discussions that saved us. From that day onwards, I knew we were going to get a long just fine. After all, I was in charge now of any things ‘in living color’.
Secondly, as useless as I feel when he tries to explain how to run a proper back-up of my hard drive… for the gazillionth time – all the more useful I felt the day that I bought him 10 pairs of plain, identical socks. It saves him an average of 8 minutes every morning. That’s 8 minutes which we now gratefully fill with either steamy sex, extended hot shower-time or extended steaming sex under a hot shower.
And thirdly, when I finally grow old and grey, the good man will always think I’m still the same blond goldilocks he fell in love with.
So now, get your shorts on, buy yourself 10 pairs of plain identical socks and have a shower party. Happy 2010 from Belgium!
2 Alex // Jan 6, 2010 at 7:46 pm
I was going to write a smart ass comment about being color blind is good for you, but holy shit, Heidi’s is about a billion times better.
3 Awesome // Jan 11, 2010 at 10:38 pm
This is some good shit right here.
4 Ross // Jan 25, 2010 at 12:40 am
You need to buy a droid and then write an app that captures video and transforms the colors into something visible (for the color-blind).
=)
5 The Baglady // Jan 27, 2010 at 3:38 pm
My other color blind friend said that camouflage thing is for hunting. So if you and he were cavemen you’d be better hunters and bring home the Sabertooth meat or whatever. It’s still hilarious when he thought his purple sweater was blue, though.
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