If It Feels Good Do It

When I was 16 I thought to myself, “Why go through all the trouble of using hair conditioner? I’m not a model.” When I was 17 I thought, “If conditioner is so fancy, why use shampoo? I should just use hand soap.” Then one day I turned 18. I said, “It’s time to start using [...]

[Read more →]

Most people say nothing important when they’re talking to me. They go on and on, blah blah blah talking nonsense without getting to the point. Even worse is when after all that irrelevant noise, they expect me to treat them like they’ve done something interesting. The other day some dumbass came over to my new [...]

[Read more →]

Recently I get asked a lot if I still like my job. The answer is: yep. It seems like people are expecting me to get sick of my job and go crazy. Then write about it. I don’t blame people for thinking that. I used to wonder the same thing. Or worry about it. But [...]

[Read more →]

I’m color blind. That’s something you probably don’t know about me. And I file that aspect of myself under, “cons.” One popular trend is to justify human attributes with the theory of evolution. Actually I believe so strongly in the theory of evolution, it feels silly calling it a theory. But using evolution to justify [...]

[Read more →]

When that company fired me in September of 2008, I was devastated. I had never been fired before. The work at my prior job was boring, but they liked me. Now suddenly here I had done nothing right. I had been making around $100k. It was a lot of income to say goodbye to. What [...]

[Read more →]

I have two roommates. One of them is Daniel. I rent my room from him for $500 including all utilities. My other roommate is Silas. I’m better friends with Silas. But I like Daniel too. He looks, sounds and acts a lot like Hart Bochner in Die Hard. In Die Hard, Hart Brochner plays Harry [...]

[Read more →]

I have two fans in my room. One is a ceiling fan, the other a window fan. In June I moved to Long Beach, turned them on, and heard them whirling, whirling, whirling.  All day, all night. Always whirling. By July I didn’t notice the fans any more. I still left them on at all hours [...]

[Read more →]

In the first two years of high school I wasn’t workin with much. In the second two, I worked with Repo Man. Some people had a lot of friends. I had few. Some guys were in a band. They were cool. Or they could skateboard good. I couldn’t skateboard good. I could just skateboard. Or [...]

[Read more →]

Dear Ian, Customer Number: XXXXXXX888 Your account may be charged Contact us immediately. It’s been over two years since you’ve accessed your ING DIRECT account(s). As a rule of thumb, it’s best to contact your bank at least once a year to verify that all your information is up to date and that no security [...]

[Read more →]

Boring A few nights later I went back to Fern’s. It was a Friday. Same skate stickers. Same 25 oz Busch. Same dude who was there a few days prior. Apparently. “Hey!” some dude said. “You were here a few days ago! You came up and talked to me.” “…Yes! Thank you for remembering. Please [...]

[Read more →]